From my Instagram feed on my birthday in April: “Thanks for all the birthday wishes! Celebrated with ice cream sundae this afternoon. (For the record, only the front one was mine.)”
Selfie, taken after my last oncologist visit in June.
July 10, is a kind of second birthday for me. My first one is in April, when I turned 46, and I celebrated it in San Francisco with old friends who I hadn’t seen in a long time. But, this afternoon two years ago, I would visit my primary care doctor with a swollen face, and she would say to me, “This may sound strange, but I’m going to send you for a chest x-ray, because there are nerves that go from the chest to the face, and I want to rule out that there’s nothing there causing the swelling.” About an hour later, I would know that there was most definitely something there: a mass behind my heart, and after a surgical biopsy a week later, I would learn that it was the size of a grapefruit. The next day I would have a CAT scan, and a day after that I would get the news that I had lymphoma.
Two years later, I’m starting to feel that the journey I’m on is taking a new turn. With the diagnosis from a followup visit to my oncologist a few weeks ago that I am, “boring,” because I am continuing in remission with an excellent prognosis, and my chances of being cured improve each day. I’ll have a scan at the end of the year, which will mark two years in remission. If the scan comes back clean—which is extremely likely—it will be my last unless I exhibit any symptoms that warrant another one. At the two year point, Dr. R. said the chance of a recurrence is about one or two percent, and the risk of exposing me to radiation to get scanned becomes greater than the risk of not getting it done. In two more years, at four years with no recurrence, my lymphoma will be cured.
I still continue to experience fatigue and a range of emotions, which is normal, and as he said, “time is the ultimate healer.” My return to work part-time is proof of that in a way, because it has made me realize that I’m not yet ready for full time. Thankfully, I have long term disability insurance, which I get through Freelancers Union, so I can focus on my health, without worrying about paying my rent.
I can’t say I’d sign up for another go around, but my diagnosis of Large B Cell Lymphoma has taught me so much, and given me a different set of priorities. I find it easier to say, “no,” to things and people that don’t fulfill me, and I see the importance of rest and downtime, which before cancer, would usually be the first two things to be sacrificed. My second birthday wish for all of us, today, is to enjoy good health, and experience all the joys that life has to offer.
